7 “Sorry” Swaps: Adding Clarity to Communication
by NoSorry Parent Lisa
Our Mission
At NoSorry.org, our mission is to provide tools and guidance to parents of young daughters in order to help them grow into more confident women. We have recognized a societal-level problem: our girls are taught implicitly (and in some cases, explicitly) to put the needs of others before their own needs, to please the people around them, and to be polite, kind, and demure to the point of ignoring their own wants and needs in a constant form of personal self-sacrifice.
“NoSorry”
The reason we have chosen to focus on guiding girls away from apologizing when it is not necessary in their everyday interactions is because, while our mission is big, our focus on this one minor change in communication is actually both achievable AND impactful. We cannot change all of the ills engrained in our society, but we can provide tools for our girls to learn to engage with society in a more confident manner!
Why “No Sorry?”
Asking why our young girls should learn to avoid apologizing in cases where an apology is not warranted is a fair question. Some people believe that saying “I’m sorry” when it is not necessary is fine because it is, in some places, a cultural norm, is innocuously polite, and acts as “social butter,” making everybody around feel good. So why, they might ask, should their girls stop doing it? We actually love receiving this question, because we love answering it!
The Downside of Unnecessary Apologies
Here is the truth of the matter: we live in a society that does not treat men and women as equals. Growing boys are taught to be more authoritative, are given the floor in classroom settings to speak their mind and argue more often, and take it as a given as they proceed through higher levels of education that highly paid jobs in the medical, engineering, computer, or technical fields are all within their reach. Girls, however, have some societal obstacles to navigate in order to grow into successful women. They are taught to wait their turn, be polite, and to favor harmony over having their opinions heard and acknowledged. While plenty of girls have aspirations for traditionally male-dominated jobs, many more let their aspirations top out at careers that involve nurturing: teachers, nurses, caretakers, homemakers, and so forth. (As a teacher and homemaker myself, I do not believe that these jobs are inherently inferior to those more dominated by men; however, they are comparatively underpaid, leading to limitations on economic advancement.) While academic opportunities such as the STEM program seek actively to engage our young girls with science and math to overcome this barrier, it is nevertheless internalized within our society today that typically, boys lead and girls nurture. (For a fascinating breakdown of the gender divisions in the current job market, please check out the reference below.)
Therefore, using obsequious language, such as saying “Sorry” when it is not called for, easily lends itself to lowering a girl’s already tenuous authority. It has the effect of making her look uncertain of herself, her opinion, or her right to hold her space. In a professional setting, it can make a female leader appear insecure, causing coworkers to question her authority and ability. Apologizing without just cause can also just be downright annoying to others, as it gives the impression that a girl is not confident in herself or in her situation and therefore forces the other person involved to assuage her insecurity in some manner. Initiating social interactions with an apology can also affect a girl internally, for she is essentially training herself to believe that others are more important than she is, that she needs to be given permission to be herself in some way, or that she is less worthy of holding space or having an opinion than those around her. It is important to teach our girls when they should NOT apologize to the people around them, because otherwise, they become ripe for falling into the trap of allowing a very real social hierarchy, which already does not favor them, to continue to hold them in their place.
Swapping “Sorry”
Our girls do not need to approach their world in an overly people-pleasing, self-sacrificing manner. In fact, if we give them the tools to express themselves with confidence, their communication will gain clarity and purpose, and this can actually improve relationships with the people around them!
7 Examples of “Sorry” Swaps
Opinion Giving: Instead of apologizing for interrupting a conversation or offering your opinion, say, “Excuse me, I think…” This helps retain your authority without implying you have done something wrong by offering an opinion. Nobody needs to be forgiven for sharing a thought.
Taking up Space: Instead of apologizing for being in somebody’s way, say, “After you,” when you are done, or “Thank you,” if they patiently waited for you to move. You have a right to choose your item at a grocery store, sit in front of somebody in an auditorium, or put your items in an overhead bin on an airplane without feeling guilty for it!
Tardiness: Instead of apologizing for causing a delay, say, “Thanks for waiting!” Everybody likes being acknowledged for their patience and understanding, and this brings immediate positivity, as opposed to guilty negativity, to the situation. (Here at NoSorry.org, we believe if you are extremely tardy with no just cause for it, then an apology just might be in order!)
Bad News Bears: Instead of apologizing for bringing up bad news, say, “I know this might be hard to hear, but…” or conclude with, “I appreciate your understanding.” You are showing your awareness that this news might be difficult to hear, but you have managed to maintain authority and control in the situation.
Disgruntled Debby: Instead of apologizing for disappointing somebody, say, “I understand,” or, “I hear you,” or “I see what you mean.” This acknowledges and validates their disappointment about the situation, but does not imply that you are guilty for it.
The Kibosh: Instead of apologizing for changing the topic in a professional conversation, say, “Let’s move on to our next item,” or “Let’s table that for now and shift gears.” This shows you to be a purposeful and deliberate leader, whereas an apology indicates a level of uncertainty and anxiety about asserting yourself.
Disagreements: Instead of apologizing if somebody disagrees with you, say, “That’s interesting.” This connotes interest in their alternative opinion and an openness to continuing the dialogue, while also maintaining your stance and allowance to have your own opinion.
Practice Makes Perfect
At NoSorry.org, we acknowledge that it is incredibly difficult to break ingrained habits, especially ones that seem to make the people around us comfortable in our presence. However, we maintain that apologizing when you did nothing wrong is a habit that is worth breaking, and it is a habit that we should avoid training in our daughters!
Habits, however, are notoriously difficult to break! It takes a level of consciousness in your own interactions and a ton of practice. This hard work is worth it, both for you, if you are an over-apologizer, and for your daughter. So practice clarifying your speech in your everyday interactions. Pause for a moment before responding, consider more appropriate responses, and acknowledge to yourself when you successfully avoid the “Sorry” trap!
Be aware of how your daughters engage with peers, elders, and strangers. Are they approaching the people around them with confidence in themselves and communication skills that clearly signal their intent? Or are they falling into the trap of subservient language? Make them aware of the importance of self-confidence, and of the benefits of speaking clearly. Point out with a light “No sorry” when they are apologizing instead of approaching a situation in a more appropriate manner, and teach them some alternatives. Celebrate their successes when they assert themselves and speak with confidence in situations where they may once have responded with an apologetic denial of their own needs or rights.
At NoSorry.org, we want to change the world in one small, but incredibly meaningful way. Let’s train our daughters to speak like the confident women they will one day become!
More Information
Please feel free to check out the sources used in the creation of this article for more information:
Hawrami, Ravan and Williams, Alanna. “Occupations by Gender: The Facts.” American Institute for Boys and Men. 2025. aibm.org/research/jobs-by-gender/
“Stop Saying ‘Sorry’ All the Time: Smarter Alternatives.” Uncover Words.com/how-to-sound-smarter/stop-saying-sorry-all-the-time-smarter-alternatives. 2026
Wolf, Kimberly. “Talk With Her: A Dad’s Essential Guide to Raising Healthy, Confident, and Capable Daughters.” 2022.