Parenting Together: 9 Ways to Find Community

by NoSorry Parent Lisa

The World Around Us

We live in a society that leaves parents feeling generally isolated and unsupported. Once upon a time, people sat on their front porches and knew the names of all of their neighbors. Families lived close and took care of each other. In our modern, fast paced, technology-oriented world, however, it can be hard to find your parenting tribe, especially if your family does not live in the same geographic location as you. When it comes to parenting, though, it is absolutely critical that we do not raise our children in isolation. We need guidance, examples, a safe space to vent, and feedback about how to approach our role within our families. But where can we find community in a world where people seem increasingly distant?

My Story

When my oldest was six years old, he began exhibiting behaviors that were both unusual and repetitive. He began having difficulty reading the board in class because his eyes darted to the left with increasing frequency. He began getting teased by his peers as he made noises that sounded like soft hums, or throat clearings, or grunts. He eventually gave up on using his rollerblades because as his eyes darted to the left, so too did his entire head, causing him to ride straight into a set of trash cans and injure himself. Wanting to do my best for my child, I delved into research as quickly and deeply as I could, trying to learn everything about Tourette’s Syndrome and figuring out what the best next steps could possibly be for helping him through this life altering neurological condition.

The problem was, I did not know anybody with Tourette’s Syndrome, nor did I know any parents of children who lived with it. My family lived 300 miles away from me, and I had recently moved to a city where I knew nobody, so I felt I was in this boat by myself. I felt alone, I felt lost, and I felt like the weight of this parenting challenge was on my shoulders alone.

With modern communication abilities, I was able to navigate myself into forums of parents who also lived with this reality every day, and I was able to pour out my questions and absorb answers like a sponge, choosing for myself which suggestions seemed to best apply to my son’s particular situation. I never felt more alone in my parenting than when faced with my son’s diagnosis, and I never felt more relieved to find that there were established parenting groups and forums where I could talk with people who understood and could offer practical advice both for my son’s condition as well as for preserving my own mental health.

Parenting Professional Development

Reaching out to other parents gave me guidance and support about what to do with my children as they experienced problems or situations of which I had no inherent expertise or knowledge. I consider parenting, in many ways, a job. And just like any profession, the more you learn about and employ best practices, the better you will become at doing it. 

No parent is naturally amazing. We have to learn how to parent. We first inform our parenting by reflecting on our childhoods. What do we wish to emulate from our own parents’ approach, and what do we wish to do differently based on our childhood experience? Then, we look at the people around us. What is the media telling us about parenting? How about friends who have children? If we are ambitious, we look into research. What are researched and agreed upon best practices in parenting, and which of these approaches do we fundamentally agree with and wish to employ within our own households?  

I actively encourage all parents to constantly continue seeking parental development opportunities, in all their many forms, because this is how we engage in and glean information from other parents in our increasingly isolated world. If we look for it, we can find community in many places. I propose that as we look for resources to help build our own knowledge base about parenting, we will begin to find our support systems as well.

Where Can We Find Community?

1. Listen to parenting focused podcasts. Some of these are by parents alone, and some are by both parents and their children together. This is especially helpful as you approach the tween/teen years, because some of these podcasting youths have incredible insight! 
2. Go to the library and pull a stack of books, especially if there is a particular issue you are regularly facing. You can disagree with an author’s opinion of how to face the problem, but at the very least, it is comforting to know that you are not alone in it.
3. Find well-researched articles on your parenting issue on the internet. If you don’t have time for an entire book, then do some quick research to see what parenting best practices are out there! 
4. Use social media for the good it can bring. Social media has become such a quagmire of negativity! But if you search out specific groups for parenting, especially if you want to hear opinions from parents about a specific issue you are dealing with in your own life, this is an absolutely incredible source.
5. If you participate in a religious institution, there are often classes or counselors whose focus is on the family. Make sure to use these resources, especially if you want to implement their particular religious approach into your parenting!
6. Join a parenting Meetup group. Becoming a new parent is often an incredibly isolating experience, but you don’t have to experience these massive life changes alone. There are always other parents seeking out friendship and company during those difficult early childhood years, and they can really help keep you sane and grounded!
7. Schools and community programs offer parenting seminars frequently, so look for fliers for these events and take advantage! You can also sign up for parent groups like the PTA at your child’s school, giving more opportunities to engage with parents local to you.
8. Let your kids help inform your approach. If something is not working, then talk with your kids about how your family can better address the problem. They just might have good insight on the issue!
9. Use your friends and family. Overuse your friends and family, in fact! Helping and supporting each other, be it in practical ways or just for emotional support, is the whole point of being in each others’ lives! Find trusted, nonjudgemental friends or family members and be candid with them about your issues with your child. The act of venting in and of itself can be therapeutic, and it is especially helpful when you might get a solid nugget of advice in return.

Parent Together!

It is so freeing to learn that we all feel like failures from time to time. All parents have their ups and downs. We all feel like we are not doing enough. We all feel like the parents around us are doing more and better than ourselves. We all feel like we come up short on occasion.

The very act of reaching out and getting help and advice for our parenting is a good indication that we are indeed doing enough, because we are still trying. The ONLY failing parent is the parent who does not try. Because if we keep trying, it is because we care, and as long as we care, we have the ability to keep learning and integrating new strategies and approaches into our parenting. Nobody is perfect, and our kids one day will understand that they were raised by fallible humans, but they will also know that we never gave up on them or on ourselves. 

Find a tribe of parents, be they friends, family, admirable social media content makers, authors, podcasters, religious leaders, or a combination of any of the above. Let them support you! Let them help equip you with advice, belonging, emotional support, and practical help! None of us should have to figure out how to parent alone.